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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26554639">The Clouds Will be Our Ice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InhaleIwaoiOrParish/pseuds/InhaleIwaoiOrParish'>InhaleIwaoiOrParish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BnHA, My Hero Academia, mha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, idrkwhattoputhere, randomangst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:46:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26554639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InhaleIwaoiOrParish/pseuds/InhaleIwaoiOrParish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What will Shinso do when he learns he only has 40 days left to live?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>shinkami - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Clouds Will be Our Ice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>idk why i made this- but yeah here have the shinkami angst</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The story and characters emotions are heavily effected by these songs, please listen to them all before reading. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Banana Bread- Cavetown</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Bon Iver- mxmtoon</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Cliché- mxmtoon</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Electric Love- BØRNS</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>It's Alright- Mother Mother</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>It's U- Cavetown</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Love Like You- Caleb Hyles cover (only because of the added verse at the end)</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Mr Loverman- Ricky Montgomery</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Please Never Fall in Love Again- Ollie MN</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Sunkissed- Khai Dreams</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Talk to Me- Cavetown</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>This Side of Paradise-  Coyote Theory</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Ultimately- Khai Dreams</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Used to you- mxmtoon</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>July 22nd</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Shinsooooooo," Denki tugged at my sleeves. "Pleaseeeeeeeee?" I sighed and looked at him. He had big pleading eyes that he knew I couldn't say no to.</p><p>"Fine." He had been trying to convince me to go to a future teller that was staying at UA for 2 weeks, today was her last day. He refused to go without me in case his future was bad.</p><p>"YAY! LETS GO NOW-" He grabbed my hand and basically dragged me down the halls. I didn't want to go because if Denki was doomed with a bad future, he wouldn't handle it well. If I was destined to have a bad future, he would take that much worse. "We're here!" He stopped and so did I.</p><p>"Denki, you're glowing." He looked at himself and he was in fact glowing. That's something new that started happening recently. If he ever got really happy, the serotonin released some kind of glowing chemical through his blood, making him glow.</p><p> </p><p>The doctors said it would result in an early death, which he doesn't know about. He doesn't need to know.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh- yeah I am! Let's go inside now!" He opened the door and it was pitch black, other than the small glow coming from his skin. "Did she leave already..?" I was getting a bad feeling from this already.</p><p>"Maybe we should just-" I was cut off by a purple light coming from the other side of the room.</p><p>"One must leave for me to complete the ritual." The voice was a deep female voice, she wasn't visible. Denki was <em>shaking.</em></p><p>"Okay- we're leaving now-" I grabbed his shoulders and turned him around towards the door. Denki almost looked disappointed. "What is it?"</p><p>"W-Well if other students were here then it's safe- can you go first??" I could barely believe him. I almost said no, but then I remembered how much he wanted to do this. I sighed and nodded, he smiled a little wider and gave a thumbs up before quickly leaving.</p><p>"I can't believe I'm being sacrificed by my own boyfriend.." I looked around for what direction to go in now.</p><p>"Come forward child" That voice scared the shit out of me. It was deep enough to challenge mine. I started walking forward slowly and a female figure started to form. When I got up close, I could see her face.</p><p>Despite the purple atmosphere, she was completely dressed in white, head to toe. She motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of her, so I did. The deep, intense staring made me want to run away from her. She stared for a few more seconds before quickly grabbing my hands, which made me flinch.</p><p>Her eyes glowed a bright purple and she started speaking.</p><p>"What many people do not know, is that I can tell past, present, and future." She paused, probably waiting for some kind of surprised response.</p><p>"Okay..?"</p><p>"In your past, I see hate. Hate towards you, from everyone... including yourself." That took me completely by surprise. I tried to remove my hands on impulse, but she had a strong grip.</p><p>"I'd prefer not to be reminded-"</p><p>"That is, until recently, you're present." She smiled and almost looked like she was in awe. I didn't know what she was seeing, but it must've been beautiful. "You're present is full of happiness and self love, as well as love for another..." Her face slowly became grim.</p><p>"What? What's wrong?" Anxiety filled me as I watched her eyes become more of a black than purple, and black was never a good sign.</p><p>"This brings me to your future... a death.." I immediately assumed it was Denki.</p><p>"When? How close? Is it Denki-"</p><p>"Shush, I need to focus." I closed my mouth and didn't even notice that my nails were digging into her hands. "Approximately 40 days from this one, you and your group will be sent on a mission.. your significant other.." I could feel the tears building up, this was the worst case scenario. "will fail to save you." I blinked in surprise, making a few tears that were built up fall.</p><p>"What?" She blinked once and her eyes became normal again, except she wasn't straight faced anymore. She looked like she was holding back her own tears.</p><p>"I apologize, your fate is not good." She let go of my hands and I realized what I had done to her.</p><p>"O-Oh- I'm sorry-" She shook her head.</p><p>"It's quite alright.." I wiped off my own tears and realized Denki would find out the same information. It would completely destroy him.</p><p>"Please, don't tell him. Just tell him his future as a hero- please.." She looked at me for a second, she seemed to be trying to find a way to say no but couldn't.</p><p>"Okay.." She looked off to the side, she obviously wasn't comfortable lying, but I didn't care. I bowed my head in appreciation and get up, leaving. As soon as I opened the door, Denki fell on top of me.</p><p>"Shinso! I thought you died or something-" He didn't realize he was on top of me until after he said that, he turned bright red. A pang of guilt hit me knowing I'd be lying to him, but I just smiled softly and kissed my boyfriend.</p><p>"Get off me-" He nodded and stood up, helping me up too.</p><p>"What's she say??" I hesitated for a second, was I really going to lie about it? ...Yes.</p><p>"She said I'd be an amazing hero- with you." His face lit up.</p><p>"Really?!" I nodded.</p><p>"You should go in now" He smiled brightly and walked in while I closed the door behind him. I slowly slid down the door and brought me knees up to my chest.</p><p>"I..." I put my head down. "What am I going to do..?" I wracked my brain for ideas to make sure Denki would be okay afterwards, since I don't trust him alone to cope correctly. I know I'm everything to him, he's said it so many times. So what should I do? His mental state was horrible before we got together, I can't even imagine what it will be like when he thinks it's his fault.</p><p>"What are you doing?" I lifted my head up to see one of my closest friends, Monoma.</p><p>"Hi Monoma- I'm waiting for Denki to come back out from the future teller." He sat down beside me on the wall.</p><p>"Tetsu wanted to do that with me- we went and my future was stupid." I tilted my head a little.</p><p>"How so?" He sighed.</p><p>"It was super nonspecific- she said something about helping a dying friend? I don't know." He looked at me. "You're not dying, are you?" He laughed, it was supposed to be a joke. When he saw that I didn't laugh, his face dropped. "...Shinso..?" I looked away and he lightly hit my shoulder. "Don't joke around-" I heard his voice crack, he was going to cry.</p><p>"I didn't say anything." He grabbed my shoulders and made me look him in the eye, they were glossy.</p><p>"Shinso, please.." I took a deep shakey breath.</p><p>"I only have 40 days left, she said I would die on a mission..." I saw tears rolling down his cheeks. He just hugged me, which was rare. He didn't like physical affection.</p><p>"How am I even supposed to help you?" I just hugged back and didn't answer. "Did you tell Kaminari..?" I pulled away.</p><p>"No, and you aren't either. I don't want him to know."</p><p>"Why not? He's your boyfriend, shouldn't he know?" I shook my head.</p><p>"You don't understand, I'm going to die because he fails to save me. If I tell him, he'll take it worse when it happens." He looked uncertain but nodded. We heard footsteps from the other side of the door and he stood up, waved, and walked away.</p><p>I don't know if he meant for me to hear the broken sob that came from him as he quickly dialed a number, maybe Tetsutetsu.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 1</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hitoshi Shinso. My best friend, my boyfriend. The most important person in my life. The best thing to ever happen to me. The person who gave me a promise ring to signify that some day, we would be married. The person who <em>promised</em> he would never leave me, is.</p><p>I understand why he doesn't want to tell me, after all, I'd try to push him away. He doesn't want that. I need to stop being selfish. I need to make his last 30 days worth something. That's why I'm going to act like I don't know.</p><p>I'm going to act like I didn't hear the future teller accidentally say that Shinso wouldn't be there with me in the top 3. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear him tell Monoma that he was going to die. I'm going to say that she told me we had a happy fortune together, because that's what I want to believe.</p><p>I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I DIDN'T, I DIDN'T, I DIDN'T.</p><p>"Denki, are you okay??" Mina's voice brought me back to reality. I was crying, no, breaking down in my room in my bed, holding onto Shinso's favorite hoodie so tight my knuckles were white and hurt.</p><p>When I didn't say anything she opened my door. When she saw my state, she closed it quickly and locked it.</p><p>"What happened?" That was a good question. What did happen? The truth didn't really hit me until today, it's a good thing Shinso was visiting family this weekend. She sat down beside me, rubbing soothing circles on my back.</p><p>What should I tell her? That Shinso is dying and completely expose our relationship when he doesn't want anyone knowing about? The only reason Monoma knows is because he walked on us making out in his room. (It's a long story)</p><p>I started thinking about that, and how embarrassing it was. The endless subtitle teasing from Monoma when it was just us three. That was when we actually became friends. Will he still be there for me after Shinso dies? Or will he leave me too?</p><p>"Denki?" She pulled my out of my thoughts again.</p><p>"Someone in my family died.." I wasn't one to lie, but I definitely wasn't going to tell her. It wasn't an entire lie either, he was more important to me than my family.</p><p>"Oh Denks..." She hugged me and we stayed like that for awhile. I hated that I couldn't tell her what my real pain was, but it would be too much. It would be admitting the truth. It would be accepting it. I can't do that yet.</p><p>Maybe I won't have to. Maybe.. I can save him. If I just stay beside him the whole time, there's no way I won't be able to save him. If I just... try. I'll make sure he doesn't die.</p><p>I will save him.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>After another hour, I had stopped crying. She smiled at me, silently telling me I would be okay. I smiled back, knowing I have no reason to grieve anymore.</p><p>"Oh- before I leave- I have some music to recommend- since we missed our sleepover a few days ago." She got out her phone and started scrolling through her phone and sent me a link through text.</p><p>"I'll listen later- I think I'm gonna go to sleep though." She nodded and left, acting as if nothing happened. I slipped the hoodie on and went to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked horrible. My hair was messy, my face was red and burning, my eyes were puffy. </p><p>I laughed at how stupid I looked and just left and lied down in my bed. Shinso will be back tomorrow, and everything will be okay.</p><p>No more crying over something that won't happen.</p><p>
  <b>"Everything will be fine."</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 15</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ice skating is one of Denki's favorite things to do. He describes it as "flying on the ground" whatever that means. So, of course, here we are, ice skating. Don't get me wrong, I loved it too, I was just horrible at it.</p><p>He was amazing at it, spinning and jumping like no one else was there. Actually, that's exactly what it was. No one else was there, it's closed today. We broke in, like we did every other Saturday.</p><p>He tried to teach me how to do some of the tricks he did, but I just kept falling.</p><p>"I know I'm pretty but staring is rude~" I blinked in surprise, I hadn't notice him come in front of me. He was smiling brightly and held out a hand for me to take.</p><p>"So full of yourself." I put my hand in his and he pulled me forward suddenly and kissed me softly while wrapping his other arm around me.</p><p>"You like it though" He pushes back and dragged me along while he skated, laughing at me having to cling onto him to not fall.</p><p>"You're so mean to me-" He smiled and pulled me again, almost making me fall.</p><p>"This is the only time I ever get to be mean to you- Let me have my moment." I sighed as he caught me again, helping me try and stand straight up. He laughed and pulled me forward again.</p><p>"You're such a sadist Denki-" He completely let go of me and skated forward a little, turning around and skating backwards.</p><p>"Hitoshi, you of all people should know I'm more of a masochist-"</p><p>"Hitoshi?" That was new, he's never called me my first name. He looked away, wearing an awkward smile.</p><p>"Well- I figured I could start calling you that- if it's okay with you of course.." I smiled wider and skated over to him slowly and wobbly, but got to him. He looked confused for a second but then I kissed him.</p><p>"I was waiting for you to finally do it.." He smiled as I saw the worry melt off his face and kiss me again.</p><p>We were happy like that. Skating by ourselves for forever, living our lives. If we could freeze frame that second, it would look like something out of a movie. Probably a movie with a happy ending. Denki likes those kinds of movies.</p><p>Will he have the happy ending he always talks about if I'm not with him?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 30</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>We got the mission a week ago. A powerful villain had risen up and gained a bunch of followers, they planned to attack UA to kill all the next generation of powerful heroes.</p><p>I will protect him. I will make sure that he survives even if I lose my own life.</p><p>Fuck fate, it's all a lie. You can change it, right? I've been told that you can change fate. Even if no one has done it before, I will be the first. He will not die.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
I walked into the common room where Mina and Hitoshi were, I sat in between them.</p><p>"Denkiiiiiiii-" She leaned onto me and whined.</p><p>"Whattttttttt?" He sat back up and shoved her phone in my face.</p><p>"It's been like a month- have you listened to the music I recommended??" I shook my head.</p><p>"What's it even about? I don't like most of your music choices-" She shook her head.</p><p>"No, I KNOW you'll like this music- It's your style- just listen to ittttt" I sighed and just nodded before going back to my phone. "Have you heard about it?" I shook my head again. She snatched my phone from my hands.</p><p>"HEY-"</p><p>"ITS an artist who is completely anonymous- no one knows who they are! His voice is beautiful though- he wrote songs like- TO his boyfriend. Each song has like this super ominous message to his boyfriend talking about why he wrote the song- it's really cool." I just kept my neutral face.</p><p>"Okay? I'll listen to it later- give me my phone back" I reached up and she just huffed and dropped my phone onto my lap.</p><p>"You said that a month ago too." She crosses her arms and I ignored her. "I bet Shinso has listened to his songs- haven't you?" I looked at my boyfriend.</p><p>"Nope, haven't heard of him." I smiled and turned back to Mina. She sighed and shook her head, leaving me and Hitoshi alone.</p><p>"Should we listen together?" He looked at me and smiled.</p><p>"Only if you want to." I smiled too, looking back at my phone.</p><p>"Maybe next Saturday at the skating rink." I saw him nod from the corner of my eye and felt him grab my hand that was sitting beside his. He intertwined our fingers.</p><p>There will be a next Saturday for us. <br/>
We will listen to the songs together.</p><p><br/>
I will save him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 31   12:07am</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I slipped the note into the package with my ring. I wrapped it with paper carefully, trying not to rip it. I took a purple marker and wrote the words I'd been dreading for over a month.</p><p>"Ready?" I looked at Monoma and nodded with a shaky breath. I handed him the package and he looked at it for a second before sitting it aside. I stood up and looked at him, probably for the last time ever. He cane forward and hugged me. Hot tears started streaming down my face.</p><p>"You know you aren't allowed to die too- I'll kill you if you do." He laughed, it was broken, not like his normal laugh. He was crying too. "It's not like you to cry.."<br/>
he hugged tighter.</p><p>"I know... I haven't been myself lately." He pulled away after a few minutes and looked at me.</p><p>"I'm sorry for stressing you." He shook his head wiping the stray tears.</p><p>"It wasn't stressful at all Shinso." I tried to smile, appreciate the last time with my friend.</p><p>"You're going to do everything, right?" He nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, I will do everything. Don't worry, okay?" I nodded and looked down.</p><p>"I should probably get going, big day tomorrow.." He looked down too. I walked to his door and opened it, hesitating for a moment.</p><p>"It's okay.. I'll see you tomorrow." I looked back at him and tried to smile.</p><p>"Okay.. Yeah. See you tomorrow." I left and closed the door behind me. I stood there for a second, registering that I won't be alive anymore after today.</p><p>What is death like? Is it just darkness? Is there really a Heaven and God? Do you just stick around as a figure people are scared of and no one can see?</p><p>I guess I'll find out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 31st   5:27 pm</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Guns. All the villains had guns.</p><p>You know, it's funny that in this world full of amazing people with amazing talents, they are still as weak to guns as we were before quirks.</p><p>It's funny how me and my school, me and my friends would trip over bodies covered in blood and holes, think of it as only a bother and move on.</p><p>It's funny. Funny how I've stayed by Hitoshi's through this entire day, making sure he doesn't die.</p><p>Bodies were littered around the area, not villains, heroes, or citizens. Just... bodies. It didn't matter who was labeled what, at the end of the day... aren't we all killing?</p><p>The sound of a gunshot close to me made me jump back into reality, I saw it just barely miss my stomach. There was only one villain left, the most dangerous and powerful of them all. Some believed he was quirkless, others believed he was saving his quirk for the battle.</p><p>Maybe the others were right.</p><p>The size of the weapon in his hand increased, if you were shot, it would definitely put a fatal wound on you.</p><p>He aimed at me.</p><p>Everything happened in slow motion. I saw everyone looking at me as the sound of the gun rang through my ears at a frequency lower than I thought I could hear, I saw it coming. It was right in front of me, why can't I just move? Why won't I move? Why won't the air around me let me move? I'm trying, but I'm going so slow. It's like I don't want myself to move, but why wouldn't I? I don't want to die.. I have to protect Hitoshi-</p><p>Before I knew anything, the large bullet rushed passed me, barely scraping the side of my arm. I looked at the villain, they had fallen. Our number one, Midoriya was standing beside him.</p><p>The villain was dead.</p><p>Everyone was silent for a second, before cheering. We had won. I was looking to my sides to see no one I knew, but when I turned around, my smile dropped.</p><p>I saw Hitoshi, standing there. But he was smiling or cheering. He was just standing there.</p><p>It took me a few seconds to register the hole in his stomach.</p><p>He dropped.</p><p>"No... no.. no no no no NO NO NO" I ran to his side, instantly collapsing with the tears already streaming down my face. "Hitoshi- Hitoshi get up- stop it stop it please-" I tried to sit him up.</p><p>"Denki-" I shook my head, that voice isn't his, is voice isn't rough and broken. "DENKI STOP." I let go of him and opened my eyes that I didn't know I closed. Despite his tone, his face was soft and smiling a little. "... Do you think wherever I go will have a nice ice skating rink?" I shook my head and cried harder.</p><p>"STOP IT. STOP IT STOP IT YOURE NOT GOING ANYWHERE-" My tears were dropping onto his shoulder and soaking through his shirt. "We're- Were going ice skating on Saturday, remember?"</p><p>"Denki.." I looked at him and his eyelids looked like they were heavy rocks on his eyes, threatening to close forever. "Can you listen to those songs..?" I blinked in surprise for a second before nodding.</p><p>"S-Sure- I'll listen to them- but you're going to be with me, right? You aren't going to leave me- You're okay- You're going to be okay-" He grabbed my hand and held it tight.</p><p>"Denki it can't be helped.." I shook my head again, trying to clear my vision blurred from salty tears that burned my skin.</p><p>"No- NO. You aren't allowed to-" A sob escaped my throat as I put my head on his chest. "YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO LEAVE ME HERE, HITOSHI PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-"</p><p>"Denki.. do you remember my first time ice skating?" I wracked my brain for the memory while the tears kept flowing down my face. I nodded. "Do you remember what you said?" I tried to remember, I couldn't think clearly. "You said... 'Even if it's hard, it's worth going through it in the end'..." I realized what he was doing and sat up again.</p><p>"That- That was different- I cant- I CANT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU PLEASE-" I felt his grip on my hand loosen, I looked at him.</p><p>"Hey denki..?" A tear came from his eye, it only made sobbing intensify.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I love you." I gasped a little. He doesn't say that, he doesn't like saying it, it's not normal for him to say it.</p><p>"I- I love you too- please Hitoshi.." He smiled and I collapsed all over again, hugging him tightly with my head in his chest.</p><p>"Good bye.." I screwed my eyes shut making all the tears fall, not wanting to believe what I'd heard.</p><p>"No- Hitoshi- You said you'd never leave me- I promised myself I'd protect you don't make me break my own promise- Why are you leaving me alone? Why? WHY WHY WHY?! AFTER ALL YOU SAID, ALL YOU PROMISED, WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME NOW?" I sobbed into his chest, expecting a hug or some comforting words because this was all just a nightmare.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>"Hitoshi.. why aren't you saying anything? It's rude to ignore me- why-" I slowly sat up to see his eyes closed, head turned to the side. I was the only one holding the others hand. My eyes widened a bit as more tears formed, I sobbed uncontrollably. </p><p>All I remember is my scream, something from a horror movie. I remember blurs of random heroes, people I didn't know. Where were my friends? Are they dead too? I felt people trying to take me away from him, so I used my quirk. I didn't feel anyone else, I just cried. I didn't care who saw me.</p><p>It could've been hours or minutes, maybe even seconds. I didn't know. All I felt was someone pulling me away, I had already used my quirk a lot, I couldn't anymore to stop them.</p><p>"Kaminari... shhhh... it's okay.. stop fighting back please-" I recognized Monoma's voice, it was broken too. I instantly turned around and latched onto him, my only remaining part of Hitoshi I had. <br/>
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<em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>STOP! IF YOU HAVENT LISTENED TO THOSE SONGS YET, YOU NEED TO DO THAT NOW BEFORE YOU CONTINUE OR ELSE THE REST OF THIS STORY WONT HAVE THE SAME FEELING.</strong>
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</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>10:49 pm</p><p> </p><p>I don't exactly know how I got here. I just remember hugging Monoma and then waking up in my own room, alone. It was scattered with Hitoshi's things. Hell, I was wearing his hoodie again.</p><p>The scene kept replaying in my head, from so many different point of views. I figured out exactly what happened. When I moved, Hitoshi was behind me. I was the reason he's dead. I failed to save him.</p><p>I laughed dryly at the thought, slightly delusional from the emotional drainage. "Hitoshi.. isn't it funny? How i've spent 30 days obsessing about how I would save you, when I'm the reason you're dead.." I broke again after saying that out loud. How could I be so stupid?</p><p>It should've been me. I should've been the one the bullet hit. I should have died. I should have stayed still. I heard my phone ding.</p><p> </p><p><b>Mina: </b>Bakusquad sleepover- are you coming?</p><p> </p><p>None of the other Bakusquad were close to Hitoshi, they were acting like nothing had happened. They new I was close with Hitoshi, they didn't know I was his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p><b>Me:</b> no i'm feeling sick</p><p> </p><p>I sat up right taking a good look around my room.  The only things I could fully register were the little things taht were his, like his notebooks. He had pretty handwriting.</p><p>I heard a knock at my door.</p><p>"Come in.." The door opened slowly to reveal Mina, Kirishima, Sero, Jiro, and Bakugo. "What are you guys doing here..?" Mina sat down first, in front of me.</p><p>"We know you aren't sick.. we also know you were closer to Shinso than us, we came to comfort you." I looked down and nodded.</p><p>"You look like shit Dunceface." I let out some kind of dry laugh, it didn't seem real.</p><p>"Thanks.."</p><p>"Hey bro- we could go to the store or something to get your mind off things?" I looked at Kirishima who was now sitting beside Bakugo. I shook my head.</p><p>"I think I'm going to throw up if I leave here." He nodded in understanding. They were all sitting on my bed, looking at me, waiting for me to cry or break. There wasn't anymore tears anymore, I cried them all. If I cried again, my face would burn from the salt.</p><p>We heard another knock at the door, Mina was about to get up when I stopped her.</p><p>That knock. That knock was the one me, Monoma, and Hitoshi used. It was <em>our</em>thing. I got up slowly and opened the door to see no one there. I looked on both sides of the hall and he wasn't there. It couldn't have been Hitoshi.</p><p>"Monoma..?" I was about to close the door when I looked down to see a small package wrapped with brown paper and purple words.</p><p>I felt more tears prick my eyes when I read the words clearly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>To Denki</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I started to shake, on the verge of another breakdown. I picked it up, and brought it inside, closing the door.</p><p>I could feel them looking at me, confused.</p><p>"What the fuck is that?" I ignored Bakugo and sat down on my bed in my spot and opened the small thing carefully. A note dropped from it. I picked it up, slowly unfolding it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Denki,</em><br/>
<em>If you're reading this then I guess Monoma really did help me, just like the future teller said he would. I guess she was also right about me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She said I would die in the battle that happened today, the 31st of August. I know you're probably wondering why I didn't tell you.. maybe some kind of denial that it was real or just wanting you to act normal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whatever the reason was, I'm so happy that we got to have a good last 40 days together. I loved it all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you're probably thinking something along the lines of "It should've been me" or "It's my fault" and I want you to put those thoughts away. You are the one meant to live. You made my last days worth living. If you didn't exist, I probably would've committed suicide when I found out I was going to die.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know where people go when they die, you know I'm not a religious person. Maybe it's just black? Maybe there is some kind of higher force and an afterlife, who knows. But where ever I am, I'm patiently waiting for your arrival. Don't rush it though, I won't be happy if I see you again after only a week. You told me she said you'd be in the top 3 heroes, that's fucking amazing. I'm so proud of you already, I can't wait to see you succeed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Have you listened to those songs Mina told you to? I think you should. I personally like them, I think you will too. You should listen to No. 4 first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ill spend all the time I'm not watching you ice skating, in the most beautiful and big rink I can find up here. Maybe I'll even be able to do those fancy tricks you brag about so much. Maybe the clouds will be our ice, and we can skate across the sky for as long as we want, with no limits.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll see you. </em><br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>I sobbed reading that letter. No one else knew why, they kept asking. I couldn't even form words.</p><p>I don't know if I was sad, or maybe just happy to have something to keep.</p><p>"Denki, what's that?" I looked down to where Mina was pointing to see part of a white chain sticking out from the package. I sniffed and folded the letter back up before grabbing the chain, and lifting it up.</p><p>"Oh my god-" I almost dropped it.</p><p>It was his ring. The ring I remembered looking for on his hand and thinking a villain took. I almost couldn't believe it, I set it in my other hand and brought it closer to my face. It really is his.</p><p>"Denki..? Who's is that?" I looked up at Jiro, I think I was smiling, relieved. I shakily put it around my neck and wiped my tears.</p><p>"Mina, can we listen to those songs? Starting with number 4?" Mina looked at Jiro, obviously confused about me not answering the question. She just nodded slowly and took out her phone, going to the album.</p><p>"What..?" I looked at her, she had a confused look.</p><p>"What's wrong Mina?" Sero put his head over his shoulder and his eyes widened.</p><p>"Did the dude change all the descriptions?! And the album picture- it's-" They both looked shocked.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Kirishima went over to them and had the same reaction.</p><p>"Fucking idiots- whats-" Bakugo too. Jiro joined as well. They were all looking at me with faces filled with confusion.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Mina looked back down.</p><p>"I- uhm..." She forced a smile. Should we just listen?" I didn't give her a reaction. She started playing the song, I recognized it as soon as the man started singing.</p><p>"That's Hitoshi-" I grabbed her phone without her permission to look at her screen, and gasped in disbelief as the song continued.<br/>
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</p><p>Album desc:<br/>
Hey Denks, I know how much you love music. I thought I'd share mine.<br/>
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</p><p><b><em>Banana Bread</em></b><br/>
I wrote this one after you confessed to me, you said something about not being good enough for me. You are more than enough, I love you.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Bon Iver</em></b><br/>
This one was actually a lot calmer then I expected it to be. This was after our very fight argument and we took a break. I was disappointed in myself at how easily I had accepted it, I'm sorry.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Cliché</em></b><br/>
You keep asking me when I started liking you, here's you answer.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Electric Love</em></b><br/>
This one was actually a song I played for you awhile ago. You absolutely loved it, how could I not include it?</p><p> </p><p><b><em>It's Alright</em></b><br/>
I wrote this when I found out how I would die. 'your significant other will fail to save you.' Its not you're fault, but I know how you get. Listen to this when you blame yourself for what happens. I will never be angry at you, I love you.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>It's U</em></b><br/>
This one... there was a short time where we were both very insecure about ourselves, but didn't tell each other. I don't know why I wrote this, or what the main goal was, but I thought you'd like it.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Love Like You</em></b><br/>
This is the second song I wrote after knowing what would happen. In each verse I described my feelings through each part of our relationship.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Mr Loverman</em></b><br/>
This song still brings me to tears remembering. I wrote this when you had been kidnapped and the heroes had given up on you. I was experiencing so many emotions at once, I thought that I would never see you again. In the middle of a breakdown, you came back. I'd never been happier in my entire life.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Please Never Fall in Love Again</em></b><br/>
Despite the name, that's not what I want. I want you to move on and find someone else, and I am confident you will. I wrote this song when I was extremely insecure and don't want you to leave. I guess now that I know I'LL be the one leaving YOU, you should be able to move on.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Sunkissed </em></b><br/>
I guess we never left that honeymoon phase, at least I didn't.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Talk to Me</em></b><br/>
Listen to this if you need to rant </p><p> </p><p><b><em>This Side of Paradise</em></b><br/>
This was before we got together, you had told me you were lonely even though you were surrounded by so many friends. I originally planned on confessing with this song, but didn't have to since you confessed first.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Ultimately</em></b><br/>
The third and final song I wrote after I found out. I know that I will see you again sometime, somewhere.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Used to You</em></b><br/>
I'm not a vocal person, for personal reasons, but I know you are. I'm so sorry that I don't say 'I love you' enough, I really do love you though.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Note: Neito Monoma is my amazing friend who helped me do all this, thank you Monoma. </em>
  </b><br/>
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</p><p>It took about an hour to listen to them all, they made me so happy.</p><p>The Bakusquad figured it out, of course. They all apologized sincerely for not noticing before, or being stupid and "not caring" about Hitoshi's death, even Bakugo. I had texted Monoma, saying thank you over and over again.</p><p>Of course Hitoshi would plan something like this, I shouldn't have been surprised. I thought I was so smart, knowing that he just wanted everything to be normal.</p><p>I think my favorite song is This Side of Paradise, I loved everything about it. There wasn't a song I disliked, I just kept replaying the songs all over again until I eventually fell asleep with my friends (even Monoma) around me.</p><p>My promise to myself the past 40 days was 'Save Hitoshi', and I realized a little too late that you can't change fate. I was stupid for thinking that.</p><p>So maybe, I will let fate take my hand and lead me down my path with no fighting back. After all, fighting back only made it worse. Maybe fate will lead me to Hitoshi in the end. Maybe he's right.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe the clouds will be our ice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thats my bad</p></blockquote></div></div>
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